My babies are 4 months old, I cannot believe it. It is so amazing how much they are changing and growing every day. We really have hit a stride with them in this last month. Things are becoming really fun and not so draining. Trust me, there are still many moments when I just need 5 minutes of quiet or to re-group before I freak out. Overall they are joys to be around. It is still a lot of work, but I think that we are all getting better at communicating and just learning about them as individual babies. I feel good about myself too, and have been exercising again regularly, this makes a lot of difference in who I am as Alicia and who I am as mom. One of they joys that I have watched this month is Jamin growing as a dad. He has always been amazing and supportive but now that the kids interact it is so much more fun for him. They know him and smile at him in a way that they do not with me. I really want our kids to have distinct relationships with each of us. It is important to know that we are a unit as parents but that we are also individuals and we should spend time with them individually apart from the family unit. I had/still have this with my parents and I think it is amazing.
This past month I have really concentrated on getting out of the house more. We were never shut-ins but it takes a while to build up the confidence to leave with two infants and all of the “stuff” that goes with. We have been running and walking the lake a few times per week and even met up with another twin mom and her girls. We also go for a walk daily once Jamin gets home. I have been grocery shopping and running errands like normal, it takes a lot longer so the list is usually one maybe two stops before we head home but it is enough to get me out and among the public. They travel pretty well, Crosby does not always like his car seat but that is to be expected. I have also started to lay them down for one nap in the crib, between 12:30-1:30 they go down and sleep for 30 minutes to 1 hour. One will wake up earlier than the other and they seem to take turns doing that. I cherish the times that one is up while the other is sleeping because I do not get alone time with them often. I am feeling good as a mother and that is a great thing to acknowledge.
Henley- My darling you are growing so much. You are BEAUTIFUL in this way that I never know how to fully explain. I look at you sometimes and get teary because you are this beautiful girl who is so full of life. I cannot believe that I grew you and that you are equal parts your dad and myself. There are things that I am trying to lock into my memory for all eternity now as I see you changing. Your breath is so sweet and amazing, it is weird but I love it. You have the softest head and I rub it and kiss it at every chance I can (you are asleep in the wrap right now and I am kissing your head constantly). While you are feeding I love to study your hands, they are small and perfect with really long fingers, you will hold onto me while I am feeding you and it is the best connection ever.
On January 10 your dad was holding you on his knees and was making farting noises at you, you laughed for the first time in your life. It was this sweet little squeaky laugh and your face lit up. It was this moment that you decided to give to your dad that I know he will never forget. That weekend you turned a corner, you started to smile all the time. We used to have to work to get a smile from you but now you are so happy. You are starting to laugh more and more, last night I had you looking in a mirror and you started to giggle at yourself. It was hilarious. Every time I see you smile and hear a coo from you my heart explodes in the best way. You are such an amazing person already, I just love being in your life and being your mom. Just in the last few days you have stared to make noises a lot more, sort of cooing and a tiny bit of babbling. You are getting more and more vocal by the day. I cannot wait to see how much you grow in the next month but I also get sad that my tiny infant is gone now. You are blossoming and it is incredible. I love you baby girl.
Crosby- My happy boy, your smile lights a room and I cannot help myself but laugh when I see it. Your mouth opens and your eyes light up. You are so happy most of the time, you really love to be talked to and scared. I think you would be laughing if you had more of a voice but I am not sure. There are times when you smile so big and you squeak a bit, I think it is your laugh right now. You are growing slowly but in your own steady way. We no longer top you off with a bottle, you are exclusively breastfed and it is an achievement we both can celebrate. Right now you are 10 lbs! You are growing and changing, your face is changing and you are cuter than ever. Your cheeks are big and round while your body is longer and lean. You love to stand up and get so excited when we hold you this way, you make these little strong man flexing motions with your arms and you grunt with glee. On January 16th you really started to open your hands and reach for toys, until then you kept your hands in fists. We were just starting to wonder about it then, bam, you were grabbing things and trying your hardest to get them into your mouth. Now I will find you with a fist in your mouth, not as much as your sister, but the dots are connecting and it is so cool to watch. There are things that I am locking inside my memory forever like your bitter beer face, I do not know how you do it but when you pout/cry your entire face scrunches up and your cheeks puff out. You love to stretch the same way every morning, you arch your back and make duck lips while your arms are above your head. Every day you do this and it is adorable. The last thing always makes me laugh, after your 1 am feeding you are always so smiley and happy. You will be smiling while dad burps you and when we swaddle you, then you will realize we are putting you back down and you get so sad. My baby boy you amaze me with what you have been through and how happy you are, you teach me that even if things can be bad to appreciate the good and happiness in living. I cherish you.
* We also transitioned to cloth diapers, I will do a separate post on what that looks like soon.