Spill your guts.

I am fully aware I have been MIA. I apologize as this space has been on my mind for a few weeks now, trying to make/take the time to sit here and catch up on life and happenings around this circus we call our family.

Turning way back…we sold our house! We moved out in March so we could more easily finish projects. We moved in with parent’s in Seattle and lived there for a month while our house was finished and listed. It took 6 days to sell in this crazy inflated market. We were happy to sell for above asking price but now are on the other side as buyers with no power. We moved again to my parent’s house and have been here since April. It is amazing that we have family to live with, especially because moving in a family of 4 is a lot to ask. Things have been going well and we are so thankful. At the same time we are SO ready for our home. We have made some offers and been out bid every time, some for a little, and some for a lot. The market here is insane and there in no way to accurately explain it unless you are in it shopping and making offers at $100k over asking. Insane I tell you. We lost on a house I fell in LOVE with and that was really hard to shake but I am trying to stay positive and know that the universe is helping guide us the right way. Enough about that.

The kids are so crazy fun and getting more challenging in every way. We are entering the twos and I refuse to say they are terrible but we now need to start to parent a lot more and discipline all the time. It can be overwhelming but we try to take things day by day, sometimes it has to be minute by minute (literally). They have changed so much and are for sure 100% kids now, I still see glimpses of a baby in them but that is fading fast. Their comprehension is growing by the minute and they can follow directions (when they want to). Vocabulary words come daily now and sometimes they say something I never knew that they could say. It is fascinating to watch a human develop and grow. We are doing our best to keep up with the changes in parenting as well but sometimes it is hard to know what to do or how to do things. We do the best that we can for OUR family and try not to judge others or pretend we are perfect. We are all in it together.

Henley- Darling you are so strong and beautiful, smart and cuddly. You have become obsessed with flowers, you try to smell them when you see one but end up blowing the air out of your mouth instead of sniffing and it cracks me up. You love to touch all plants and flowers everywhere. You are talking so much more and just yesterday said “oval” just like you have always known what it was. You are still a pretty good sleeper unless something is going on (teeth). You now have a pink my little pony you named “neigh” she has sparkly hair and you love taking her with you, especially in the car. You can dance like no one else in the best ways. When you hear music you start to shake your booty and swing side to side, sometimes in the car you throw your arms up and wave them around to dance and I love every second. Your emotions still run high at times and you have melt downs where you cry and cry until you are red in the face. When that happens nothing makes it better, we just have to leave you alone until you want to be picked up. You have started to be more dominant with your brother and take toys back, you learned “mine” and use that a lot to try to let him know to back off. You love being outside and swinging at the park. Your hair is getting long enough for pony tails and pig tails, it is beautiful and curly when there is not food in it. You are my girl and a joy to be around, sometimes a struggle too but that is life honey and we are doing it together. I love you.

Crosby- Love you are intense with your energy and generous with your kisses and affection. You are starting to really push boundaries and see what you can get away with. We are trying to stay constant with discipline but it is hard because I am not always able to be there when you push the limits. You just started to bite, not always and you know it is not okay but you get this energy and you do not know how to deal with frustration yet. you are my mover and shaker boy, you do not walk anywhere you run. You love parks and running around outside, you REALLY love to sit in the car and “drive-drive”. You just started to really love to color but only will for about 2 seconds then you state “all-done” and get another color over and over again. I love you and your crazy ways of putting on clothes or trying to find something you know I have hidden. Sweeping outside is your top activity and brooms are amazing to you. By the end of the day you are usually tired but still wake a few times at night and need to be coaxed back to sleep, there have been a few nights dad had to sleep next to your crib on the ground so you would calm down and sleep. You are so loving to others, kisses and hugs come from nowhere and you like to try to soothe Henley when she is freaking out by patting her back and kissing her head. It is so sweet! You are thinning out because you use up all of your energy, your arms are getting longer and you can reach so much more (I don’t really enjoy that part). I love you bug and you keep me running, sometimes too much but I will take that anyway. I love you.

So there is a quick wrap up of life in a nutshell. Until next time, ciao!

Advertisements

Whoa…time flies

Well it is the new year and here I am thinking about this space again and how to connect on a regular basis. Life is busy with twins and keeping up with daily tasks. I love the fact that I have this space to come to when I get a quote moment (almost never!) and to share my feelings/thoughts about life as a SAHTM (stay at home twin mom) and the adventures that come along with it.

I will not make promises to anyone regarding the frequency of postings but I will state that I am going to try harder and want to expand my posts to different aspects surrounding parenting. If anyone out there in the internet world wants to know anything specific bout parenting twins please comment below and I will make sure to address it.

I look forward to reviving this space and diving deeper into topics. Happy new year and new beginnings!

12 Months

There are so many emotions that come up when I think about my babies turning 1 year old. First I cannot believe that we have been parents for an entire year; it has been the most challenging and rewarding year of my life so far and I really have become stronger than I thought I was. There are times when I feel like a true mom and then there are moments when I still do not know what the heck I am doing and/or if it is right and best for my kids. I have a feeling that you never know if what you are doing is best, it is just part of the chaotic territory that is having kids.

It is hard for me to look at pictures from their birthday last year, so many feelings come over me and it is hard to comprehend what we have been through. I feel like the year mark is a big milestone for us as a family. I look at my little boy and I think about how ill he was when he came into this world and how much support we needed from our families. For two independent people we have needed so much support and help this past year. Without our families it would have been so much harder to navigate parenthood and Crosby’s hospitalization and recovery. To all of them, THANK YOU!

I have contemplated recently how I feel as myself after going through the past year. My body and mind have shifted for sure and I know there is no going back. I think about them first and myself second, I do everything for my family and sometimes get crabby that I cannot be selfish. There are moments when I still mourn what life was like with fewer worries. I need to start to take better care of myself in a grounded sense, I need to bring meditation back into my life, I need to cook healthier meals and treat myself with as much care as I treat my children. Slowly these needs are coming into sharp focus as I really feel that 1 year is the mark where things can shift a bit. We need to cultivate our marriage a bit more as there has been little to no time to really connect with each other. The basics need to come back into focus as survival has been on the forefront for so long. I pledge to myself to start this shift and work towards all of these goals in a way that is sustainable for our entire family.

We are having the babies birthday party Saturday and I am so excited to share this moment with the people who have been there for us this past year. I  am super excited for the cake smashing as well!

IMG_1184IMG_1182 IMG_1187

Henley-

You are one year old baby girl! I remember the first time I heard and saw you, the first time I held you and nursed you. I cannot believe that was a whole year ago. You have grown into such a beautiful and smart person. You love to watch everything and take your time until you dive into things. You do this thing where you open your mouth and throw back your head and it is so funny to you. You still only have two bottom teeth but I am sure that more are on the way. You are growing and getting taller, your face shape has changed and you look more and more like a little girl than a baby. You really like to read books and will sit and flip pages all on your own. You are such a good eater, I cannot think of anything that you do not eat, you really love green smoothies. You can “dance” now, really it is just you bouncing or shaking your butt around, I love it! You still wake up slow and take some time to warm up to the world. Your eyes are watching everything and you figure things out so fast. You learned how to crawl up stairs and LOVE doing it. You still love your pacifier and sleep with it every nap and night. You JUST started to go all night without needing a feeding, you still wake up and fuss sometimes but monkey helps and sometimes you are in bed with us. You can say dada, dog, and mama (only when you want to eat). You are getting closer to walking but I think we still have a while.

You are pure joy for me and I love you to pieces. You have taught me a lot this past year and I thank you for choosing me to be your mama. I love you with my whole heart.

IMG_1167

Crosby-

You are one year old my boy! You have come so far from the first time I saw you, you were so sick and it was painful not to be with you every moment but your daddy took the best care of you. It is hard to think about what you have been through and I wish that I could take away all of the pain and memories that you have from that time but I know it is also what makes you o full of life. You smile and laugh at nothing at all, your laugh is infectious and you truly seize the day everyday. You are an adventurer and love to get into everything at all times. You are inquisitive and curious which are amazing qualities to have but it is tiring for me to keep up. You have six teeth and your chicklet smile is the cutest thing ever, you have this weird thing with textures now and really do not like a lot of meat unless I dip it in hummus first. You are a true fruit bat and love cherrios and fruit, bread with peanut butter too. You love to play with things that roll and will crawl around with a truck or box pushing it wherever you go. The stand up walker that we have is your crack, you cannot get enough if it and laugh as you literally run across the room holding onto it. You bowl over your sister and anything that is in your way. I think you will be walking within the next few weeks. The world is something for you to engage in and you love to touch everything first  to see what it feels like. You are getting better at sleeping and I cannot complain but there are moments when you are thrashing and kicking my stomach and it makes me so angry. Your first word is dog, you sometimes say dada as well; you are a true babbler though and have long conversations with yourself especially first thing in the morning.

You are my survivor and you have a strength that is amazing to me. You teach me how to slow down and take one great day at a time. Thank you for choosing me to be your mama and for being so brave, I want to take away all of the bad times but I cannot. I love you with my whole heart.

IMG_1168

11 months

My babies turned 11 months yesterday, they are not babies anymore and you can tell by just looking at them. All of the sudden they are understanding more and more verbally. Crosby understands a lot and babble but does not say any true words yet. Henley is talking all of the time “dada” and just yesterday I *think we now say “hi”. It is exciting to watch them interact with each other more and more everyday. Crosby really loves to play with her and she has warmed up to him squealing when he crawls up to her. We have run into the squabbling over toys already and it is really funny to watch, for now.

As a family we are doing pretty well, in August we started re-siding our house. Well as first time projects go we underestimated the amount of work and we have been doing nothing but siding for about a month now. We have had SO much help from family which is amazing but it is really hard to live in a construction zone with two little ones. The hardest part is not having Jamin around to help and just to spend time with the kids. There are harder days where I have a bit of a pitty party for myself but we have no choice but to suck it up. Jamin is working so hard on the house all while working overtime at work, I can tell he is tired and over working so much but he is not a complainer at all and he is amazing. Once we are done with the siding we are looking forward to spending quality time together. We will get there and it will pay off!

Henley-

Henley girl you are growing so big, all of a sudden you have a tummy and are becoming a bit of a chunk. Your face is changing and you are looking like such a beautiful little girl. You are talking so much and always talk about “dada”, there are times when you think you are so funny and open your mouth and throw your head back, it cracks me up. You watch the world so much and figure things out before you dive in and explore. You shake your head “no” and just started to say “hi” and wave. You LOVE your daddy and smile so big when he walks in the room. Recently you have had two colds and it is so sad watching you try to breathe through your stuffy nose, it makes bedtime hard because you cannot suck on your monkey pacifier while breathing. You spend a lot of time in our bed when you are feeling poor. We are having so much fun exploring the world and you have started to interact and play with your brother. When the two of you crawl around and laugh it makes my heart smile inside. I love you so much and feel so proud to be your mommy (even if you don’t say my name yet).

Crosby-

Oh boy you are all over little one. You are such an adventurer in the truest sense. You are into everything and love to try to get into things that are not toys. For example, you love to crawl behind the toy basket and turn on the TV, then you turn it off. You are not supposed to touch the TV but you love it just the same. We have to gate off the kitchen, close the bathroom door and our bedroom door just to keep you out. You started to walk with the walker and now just fly across the room, when Henley tries to walk you crawl over as fast as possible and basically push her aside. We are starting to really work on sharing a bit and you really do not like it. You always want to be in the middle of the action and at times it is not the safe place for you. We will continue to allow you to explore as long as it is safe and sound. You babble a ton especially in the morning but do not really say any words let. You just got really sick, you had a cold that turned into an infection. The left side of your face swelled up and it looked like you had a black eye. We spent all morning at doctor’s office, then  got a blood draw. You started antibiotics and are all better but it was so sad to see you that sick. You did not even smile or eat for a whole day. Buddy, I love you and all of your energy. I love being your mom and am so proud to call you my son.

I just sent out the invite for your first birthday, I cannot believe it!

IMG_0943

Husky football season starts!

IMG_0874 IMG_0987

Months 9 & 10

I feel like the last update i had babies still and now I have kids. The transition that they have been going through is astounding and amazing to watch. Literally you can watch them figuring out the world and how things work.

The day they turned 9 months old things got hard really fast. All of the sudden my babies were growing and teething and learning new skills all at the same time. I felt like a boat being hit by waves coming from all sides. It truly was the hardest few weeks of parenting to date. In the end I/we just had to get through the sleepless nights and constant crying angry babies. Crosby started his two teeth with 100 degree fever for about 3 days then the two cutest little teeth popped through on the bottom. Henely started teething about a week later, she got a rash around her mouth that spread to her face and was accompanied by a fever of up to 103. It was so sad to see her sick for the first time. All she wanted to do was be held and cuddle, plus it was so hot outside she just was burning up even when she was just in her diaper. We are now going through waves of teething, Crosby is up to five teeth and Henley still has two but is working on more judging by her fever and snotty nose that has shown up this week

Crosby started crawling right after July 4th, he powers around like a little bulldog and is adorable. He started pulling himself up right after he started crawling. Now he can pull up and walk around thins, including the walker that he pushes. I know this boy will be walking before his first birthday. Henley started crawling about a week later and she has the funniest crawl. When she crawls her left leg she crawls on her toes like she is walking while on the right leg she crawls using her entire shin. I like to say she has a hitch in her giddy-up, it is just the way she crawls and she still manages to power around and tries to keep up with her brother.

Our living space has turned into a toy tornado and they are exploring everything about their world. They love to crawl about and get the remotes or magazines. I get frustrated because everyday I pick up toys constantly and I clean the floors trying to keep the dog hair at bay. It is challenging to keep up the house while entertaining the kids and making sure chores get done. I will post about this separately but being a stay at home mom is NO JOKE. I work harder now than I ever have in a job, and this job does not end and the end of the day.

Henley-

You have started to babble and it is official that your first word is “dada”, you say it all day long looking for him and it is the sweetest thing. You are the quiet observer learning and picking up so much from our interactions and from the world. You have learned how to shake your head “no”, I had no idea where you got this from until the other day I was saying “NO” to Crosby and I noticed that I was shaking my head. I was amazed that you picked it up from me without even me knowing. Your smile is now a little toothy and you open wide and make the cutest “ahh” sound. Your laugh is infectious and your noises and babbles I could listen to all day. I know you are changing so fast and that soon you will be my little girl, the time goes fast love and I love spending my day with you. You still sleep with dad and I for a little during most nights, it is either because we don’t want you to wake your brother or you are teething and not feeling well. I love snuggling you and it reminds me of when you were an infant swaddled in-between our heads on the boppy. I love you girl every day more and more even when you go crazy, you are my little girl and I love you to the moon.

Crosby-

You are my bruiser boy. You jump into the world head first (literally) and you are such an adventurer. Once you started crawling you pulled yourself up fast and then came the falling. It seems that you always have a few bruises on your head now just because you are learning about the world around you in the most physical way. I cannot lie to you, it can be really tiring to always chase after you and keep you out of the wrong things. You understand the word “no” and we are working with that everyday, I will try not to stifle your adventurous spirit but there are times that you cannot do what you want to do. When I need you to come to me I can wave you over and you get so excited and start crawling as fast as you can. You are so cute and are changing into a little boy in front of my eyes. You love to eat and are always ready for food. Sleep is still interrupted and it will be interesting to see how things go when I wean. I love you to pieces little boy and I hope to nurture you in all the ways you need.

IMG_0640

Poor sick Henley

IMG_0655

Born wild Crosby

IMG_0739

Crawlers

IMG_0882

Pulling up and walking with the walker

IMG_0887

Mirrors are amazing

Zipper Club Member

Cosby is a lifelong member of the zipper club. The secret club that you belong to once you have had open heart surgery. We are lucky enough to have companies out there like Tink and Key to come up with wonderful ways to turn challenges into something to celebrate. A perfect example is the two shirts that we were sent to check out.

FullSizeRender FullSizeRender_4

I ordered a size larger than needed so they could wear them for longer, these shirts are SO cute and I love the baseball sleeve look. Crosby of course got the zipper club member t-shirt and Henley got the miracle baby t-shirt. They sell clothes for everyone from newborns to moms and dads. Not only do they create these wonderful clothes with positive messages but they also donate 10% of their sales to their featured organization monthly!

FullSizeRender_2FullSizeRender_3

The miracle baby shirt would make such a great gift for anyone that has experienced loss or has had a challenging fertility journey. They have so many more styles and options check out their website for a limited time use SUMMERBLOG15 for 25% off tees, or instagram @tinkandkey. *Full disclosure we received these shirts for free but all of the opinions are all my own.

IMG_0779

8 Months

8 months

The months are flying by and I think that I will start to do updated every two months. Our life has been so busy between the babies, all of the backyard renovations, and still working part-time. Summer weather has come early it seems and it is so nice to have the sunshine and heat, although it is different thinking about protecting the little ones from the sun. We are hitting an age where the babies change so much and so fast. They are developing and learning now in ways that they have not before. We can play with them and tickle them, laugh at them and really engage. This also means that we have moved from somewhat passive parenting to really active parenting. The babies always want to be played with and entertained in some way, they do some self play but really they love and need the interaction from other people. They have started to smile at each other more but I would still say that they have not played together. We just started to see them grab toys from the other, especially Crosby, so I think soon they will fully acknowledge each other and hopefully find a playmate.

I think about 8 months of being a mother and it blows my mind. Really recently have started to feel a bit more like myself. I think that I am just getting used to the new life as well as my body slowly healing still. I really did not think it would take this long but I believe now that you should give your body a full year before you expect to feel like you did. I weigh less than when I got pregnant but my body still feels different. That may never change and I am okay with that but it does not mean that I don’t try to eat healthy and take care of the body that I have, new or old. One major accomplishment is that I ran my first race, the Rock n’ Roll 8K. It was an easy distance I could manage without having to train at all. I am happy with my results 8:43/mile and want to sign up for another one to see if I can start to get faster. The best part was turning a corner for the last up hill and seeing Jamin with my babies cheering me on.

image9

Henley-

Sweetheart you are so beautiful, your features have come out so much in the last two months. You are feminine and strong in your own way and I love watching you blossom. You will always be a bit more reserved, you need to study the world before you engage. I love holding you and getting the biggest smiles, or tickling your neck and hearing you giggle. You LOVE your daddy and even have a hard time eating if he is in the room. You always pull off and stare at him smiling, it is heartwarming. You like your solid food and have started to suck your thumb in-between every bite. While cute this makes for a bigger mess but we will have to get over that. You really love to chew on raw red peppers, cucumbers, broccoli, we are starting with a lot of veggies. You also love to eat melon out of the mesh teethers that we give you.

You still need your sleep or you get crazy, you go down for naps relatively easily and sleep about an hour longer than your brother in the morning. You really like to sleep in-between your daddy and I, I love waking to see your sleeping face so peaceful. You can go about 6 hours at night which helps a lot! You can sit up by yourself now and play on your mat, you are also worming around and I think will be crawling with in a month. You are a mover and I don’t understand how you can wiggle your way around so much but you do. Still no babbling really, sometimes you talk to your monkey but it is more cooing. I try to get you to say “mama” but no luck. Your spirit is amazing and I love how cute you look in summer bloomers with your chunky legs sticking out. While I miss my teeny girl I know you are only getting bigger and I am excited for that too. I love you honey!

image11

Crosby-

My little buddy you are so happy and smiley it kills me. Even in the middle of the night I walk in and I can see you smile with your mouth wide open. You are the cutest thing and I love your spirit and energy. You are a mover and a shaker, always looking around and trying to “climb” me when I am holding you. I am fearful for when you become mobile because I think I will be chasing you all-day-long. You can sit up on your own and have not really showed signs of moving beyond that. I think you will go straight to walking because you love to stand up and get so excited when we hold your hands so you can stand. We practice walking with you and you are getting better and better. You are a mama’s boy for sure and really love to me around me. Lately you have been extra clingy and needed to be held a lot of the time, that coupled with a fever for a few days led to TWO TEETH! You have the cutest little chompers coming in at the same time on the bottom.

I was hoping you would sleep better once they broke through but nope, you still wake every 3 hours during the night. Sometimes you sleep in the mamaroo and just recently we started to lay you down on your tummy, you seem to like it. I LOVE being your favorite person but sometimes it gets hard because I cannot hold you all of the time. Self soothing is the hardest thing for you to do but we are working on that. You love to eat food and grab at everything we put in our mouths. You turn down nothing right now and I love that about you, I hope you continue to be a great eater. You have started to babble a little bit more and are by far more verbal than your sister. You chew on your thumbs and blow raspberries so much it makes me laugh. You love you rough house with your daddy and can hang out watching sports with him anytime. It is so exciting to think about how far you have come and how you continue to grow. You amaze me buddy and I love you so!

image10

Here are some pictures from the last two months:

image5image4

image6 image3

image2 image1

image8 image7

6 Months

It seems amazing that I have been a mom for 6 whole months. The time has gone so fast and so slow at times. I find myself trying to soak up how holding my babies feels, how they smell, their smiles and coos. I know they are starting to grow faster and change in ways that they did not as infants. Life is really fun with 6 month olds, we laugh and play, interact in ways that we could not before. It is amazing just to watch them take in the world and start to figure out movements and their bodies.

This month we started to introduce solid foods, slowly at first we tried sweet potatoes, coconut milk yogurt, red peppers and much more. It took a while for them to figure out the swallowing without the tongue thrusting the food back out. Now they love it. We are still slow on the amount as we had an unfortunate constipation issue, but we are over that now. Currently we give them solids once per day in between feedings in the afternoon. We also give them tastes whenever we want of our food. I have been puréeing all of their foods, I keep it slightly chunky so there is texture to deal with. We also use some LED weaning by giving them strips of peppers to gum, or celery sticks to play with, Henley really likes this method. It is fun to experiment with foods and try to get them to taste new things. So far savory wins over sweet, which is great. I know that soon they will be eating everything we eat for dinner. I find myself thinking about when they will no longer need me as their food source and I am already getting sad. It is just a really neat feeling to know that you are the only one that feeds them and that what my body is doing is so amazing.

We went on a family vacation to celebrate birthdays for a weekend and it was really fun to get the babies so much uncle/auntie time. Sleep has been a struggle for the last month I think they went through a growth spurt or just a few wonder weeks where things were off. I never know what we will get with sleep, we have worked on a routine at night and keep that pretty simple and easy. 6-7 is naked time (yes totally naked play time), 7 I feed them and then they are asleep when we put them down. This is our routine it is simple but it seems to work for us.

Henley-

Henley 6 months

My love you are getting prettier and funnier with every day. You started to scream when we have naked time as you love to kick your feet and move around. You learned to roll from your back to front on my birthday, it was amazing! Your rolling skills are getting better and better, you are also pushing up trying to get to all fours now. You also learned happy baby and grab your feet in the air. You smile all the time and cannot smile without having your mouth open. Your blue eyes mesmerize everyone that you meet. I love the fact that you have my face shape and looks but with your daddy’s eyes and coloring. You are still a really good napper and need more sleep than your brother. You were skeptical of foods at first but have come around and now watch everything we put into our mouths. You are growing and changing but you will always be my baby girl. My heart melts every time that you look at me. You do not like me to leave you or walk out of the room, I love being needed so much. I love you.

Crosby-

crosby 6 months

Smiley boy, your smile makes your round face even cuter. You really like to smile and are really happy in general. There are moments where you really get into a funk but those are pretty short-lived. You really like being held and played with constantly. I know your little brain is growing and taking in the whole world because you are always looking around checking things out. You  maybe getting a little better at napping but still  need a lot of help to calm down and shut your eyes. You really love food and start to whine when I am feeding your sister a bite instead of you. You have caught up to Henley in regards to measurements and that makes me feel so good. You are a growing boy and I think you would always if I let you. You can roll from tummy to back but do not like to do this too much right now. You love to stick your thumbs into your mouth and blow on them like you are playing the trumpet, it cracks me up. You are getting more vocal as well and I cannot wait for first words. I love you bug and feel blessed that I get to be your mommy.

We went and got some portraits taken for their 6 month milestone:

babies 6 month

5 Months

This morning I was standing at my bus stop chatting with another rider and the words “I have 5 month old twins” came out of my mouth. Five months old! This post is a week late but that is due to the changes our family went through last week. I started back to work part time last week and it is quite the adjustment. I am so thankful that my work allowed me to go back part time because there is no way I could do full-time. With two little ones at home it is a lot just to work out childcare for 3 days a week. I must state that we are SO lucky to have amazing grandmothers whom both take a day to be with their grandkids. Also, Jamin is taking a day off work to be a dad; I think this is such a special time that most dads do not get with their kids.

Life at 5 months is FUN. You can tell that Henley and Crosby are making sense of their world. They know who mom and dad are and who is not. They are exploring more with all of their senses and it blows my mind to watch them learn. I understand how parents say that each stage is their favorite, I thought I loved my tiny babies but then they start interacting and you love that too. I have settled into my role and I have to admit that I love being the one that can comfort them. They look for me and smile all the time when they see me. Their dad can make them laugh and giggle like no other and it melts my heart. This month I really feel like we have true babies and not infants anymore.

Bed time is still going pretty well, the days of them sleeping in the same crib are numbered. Henley is sort of rolling around and waking up Crosby. Mr. Crosby is also having a hard time soothing especially after the 5 am feeding. He went from being able to be laid down and he would drift off to crying and not sleeping unless he is in our bed. I need to start researching sleep training if this is not a phase. Just when we get into the groove things change.

Henley- You are my sunshine and I love your smile and giggles. You are starting to verbalize more and the high pitched coos are the sweetest sound ever. You roll from your tummy to back and just this weekend you tried to roll from back to tummy (you cannot quite get there yet!). You are my sleeper; you need multiple naps per day and will melt down if you are pushed too far. When you sleep you look so peaceful, like a little angel. You have rolls on your thighs and your face is more round, I can watch you grow day by day. I have to admit, I love that you seem to be a mama’s girl; you love to watch me and look for me when someone new is holding you. When you smile your blue eyes light up and it is amazing. It was hard to leave you for work but I know you are safe with your grandmas and dad. Keep growing and learning baby girl, I love you always.

Crosby- You are growing and changing so much! Your hands are always active and you want to move all the time. When we hold you up standing you love it and get so excited, you never want to close your eyes for fear you may miss something. This is amazing but it means that you never nap. I feel so bad because I know you are tired but you cannot let go and drift off. Your smile is infectious even at 3 in the morning when you think that it is time to play. You start the day with smiles and they do not stop coming. Your sides are ticklish and it is the cutest thing to watch you laugh. Your voice is coming in more and more, you started “talking” to us and cooing. You love interaction and want people to entertain you all the time. We are having some issues with you going back to bed at 5 am; it just seems you only want to sleep in mom and dad’s bed. While we love having you close you need to learn to soothe yourself. You are getting stronger and your last cardiac appointment looked awesome. You passed all the tests and soon we will only go once per year! I love you my baby boy thank you for choosing me to be your mom.

5 months

5 months old my loves

Raising an individual

My experiences are written from my point of view as a twin mom. I know that the life I live as a parent is worlds different from the average singleton pregnancy with no complications. That being said there are a lot of areas that overlap and are similar across all parenting lines. I have been thinking lately about what it is like to raise two individuals.

I have said from the beginning that my babies are just siblings whom decided to grow at the same time. Yes, they are twins but growing at the same time is where the “sameness” stops. In utero my babies had their own personalities and I knew that I really wanted to focus on raising them as their own person, not as a pair. This has proven to be somewhat unavoidable because my little ones are each their own magical individual being. With twins I feel that people tend to always think that they are very similar regardless of identical or fraternal. I thought this as well, I figured that if you were a twin you had this connection that made you act the same and be very much alike. I could not have been more wrong. Twins are their own beings and people outside of the environment they grew in. There may be similarities but there are far more differences.

From the start Henley and Crosby have been different in their temperaments, in what they like, and now that they are older their personalities. In the beginning all babies need the same basic care but as their mom I could tell they were different. Henley was loud, sort of in your face about her needs and feelings. Crosby was more relaxed and quiet, calm with this sense that he understood more than we thought. As they are starting to really develop and grow into their own I see two very different people.

Henley needs space and time to sleep, she is really interested in watching the world and figuring things out, her eyes study everything.  She needs to think about things before she will let you know how she feels. She is unhappy if she does not sleep and eat when she needs it. Everything is about exploring through her mouth, she licks and bites and brings everything to her mouth in order to make sense of it. She needs to be in bed earlier but loves the morning time.

Crosby is gentle and soft in his ways, he does not dive into anything but slowly warms up to things. He is alert and awake so much more than his sister. His naps are at times put aside when there are things going on around him as he loves to watch the world go by. He loves people interacting with him and will dole out smiles like they will never run out. He needs a lot less sleep until he hits a wall then it is extremely hard to get him to snap out of a tantrum and calm down. He does not want to leave a party early and will push himself to be alert and aware of what is going on. He is exploring more with his hands but still takes the world in through his eyes.

These are just surface differences that I have noticed between them. I learn more about each of my children every day, they are growing at such a fast rate that literally overnight they can change. What I am struggling with now is the fact that I want to raise these two as just that, two. I hope to be the type of parent that allows them to explore the world on their own, to learn from mistakes and from each other. I want to create the environment that will always allow them to discover more about themselves as individuals. I think they will grow up to be very different people but I want their core values to be the same, I want them to love us and each other because family is most important, I want them to respect all points of view because there is no wrong or right, I want them to learn and grow everyday together and apart. These are all things that I challenge myself with as a twin mother raising two little ones at the same time.

112814_Aahl Family_087

Photo courtesy of Jenn Ireland